In my last post I was explaining I was hurt by the comments of a coworker. I almost said that I had allowed a coworkers’ comments to hurt me. I don’t like it when I hear people say that. It feels like kicking someone when they are down. I think that feelings happen. If we are aware of the feeling, we can then choose what to do with them.
Anyway, the same thing happened today. I noticed that the automated mail cart was off the track and stopped. Even after everything I said yesterday, I still hesitated to go fix it. But I did. Walking toward it, I was thinking, I have noticed this off the track a number of times in the same place so I should contact the Mail Center so they could call a repair person.
I got it back on track and moving again. I turned around and there was a coworker a few steps away from me. I told her that I would not try to fix it if I did not know what I was doing and she did not need to check up on me. She said that she was not checking up on me but our other coworker had told her it was not working. She said that she was going to contact the Mail Center. I don’t really believe that she was not checking up on me.
It reminded me of the following. I first heard this a number of years ago in a Twelve Step group. I believe it was written by Portia Nelson in 1977.
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Chapter One: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost.. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in .. it’s a habit .. but my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter Four: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it,
Chapter Five: I walk down another street.
I need to love the part of myself that feels I I can’t do anything right.