Monthly Archives: December 2013

Wishing you comfort

My living room

My living room

I can’t believe that I just posted a picture of part of my home.  I can sit in my living room now and plug in the lights and it really feels comforting.

The home I grew up in was not a haven so I have long wanted to create a haven for myself.  I have lived in my town home for over twenty years and I have not really been successful at creating a home that feels like a haven.

My therapist asked how I was feeling at home.  She asked if I feel better because I am doing better at not letting the people at work eat at me when I am not at work.  Her question kept swirling in the back of my brain because I wanted to understand why it feels different.

I believe the difference is that I am better able to see work experience as separate from my experiences growing up.  I can be in fear of the people at work from an adult perspective rather than a child’s perspective.

Christmas at work – I have felt bullied into contributing for a Christmas gift for my boss and also bullied into exchanging gifts with coworkers.  Earlier this year I told my boss that I did not wish to exchange Christmas gifts.  There was a scheduled meeting on Wednesday when they gathered to exchange gifts.  I did not attend.  Later when I went to ask my boss a question, she tried to force a gift on me.  My facial expression was showing that I was offended and I was holding up my hands in a “No” sort of gesture.  She then started attacking my personality.

Gratitude helps us feel better, right.  I am grateful for the following.

This is the second year I have been a part of the Focusing On Life blog’s holiday card exchange.

One card says, “It makes me so happy to be able to share in this little card swap & wish you and your family a JOY-filled Christmas season.”  Dotti

It makes me happy too Dotti.

The following card is from Viv.  It may be silly but it feels extra special to me because it came from England.  For some reason the inside message made me cry.

Blessings.

A Christmas card from Viv

the inside of Viv's card

Crying over spilled crockpots

crockpot

Last Friday, my division at work had their annual holiday pot luck.  They are unpleasant for me for many reasons.

One of the things that I think about with pot luck meals is the difficulty in transporting food.  I remember a time when I was transporting a crock pot to my brother and sister-in-law’s home and it tipped over.  I wanted to cry.  I went back home, threw out the remaining food, cleaned up my car, and drove to my brother’s home.  In a demeaning tone, my mother asked why I did not bring the food that had not spilled on the floor of my car.

At the time, I did not speak up for myself.  I did not feel I could.  This incident probably happened about 1985.  I think it is about time I stopped carrying it, don’t you?

I am currently taking a class where we are discussing communication with spirits or Spirit.  I decided to send a message to my mother’s spirit telling her how I felt about the above incident.

I was hurt by your comments, Mom.  My judgement was that once the top edge of the crock pot touched the carpet on the floor of the car, the whole container was tainted.  I wish you had patted my shoulder and said ‘I am sorry that it tipped over and you had to throw out the food that you made.  I’m sure you put care into it and were looking forward to eating it and sharing it.’

I have also been cleaning out a lot of things in my home, tossing or donating items. I am going to consider this hurtful memory as one more thing removed from “my home”.

Blessings.

To end this post with a positive image

To end this post with a positive image

The Union Street Bakery series

The Union Street Bakery by Mary Ellen Taylor

The Union Street Bakery by Mary Ellen Taylor

I don’t want to let go of these characters; I wish there was a third book to read.  I see so much love in these characters.  I see a willingness to accept one another and work things out.  Especially in book two, I see a willingness to reach out with their love and enfold others.

When Daisy is three years old, her mother abandoned her at the Union Street Bakery.  She was adopted by the loving people that owned and ran the bakery.  Daisy is now 34 and just lost her job with an investment firm; a job that she thought would provide security.   The investment firm made some risky investments and lost a lot of money in the economic downturn. The firm’s reputation is making it difficult for Daisy to find another job.  Her parents have retired from the bakery.  Her sister, Rachel, and her husband were running the bakery but he died suddenly.  Her family really needs her at the bakery.  With mixed feelings Daisy goes back to working at the bakery and living in the attic apartment above the bakery.

On her first day back at the bakery, an older woman from their neighborhood brings a historical journal for Daisy.  There is a mystery to be solved with this journal and it seems to have special significance for Daisy.

Her mom is encouraging her to find out more about her birth mother, believing it will help her to find some peace.  To help her understand the importance of why she needs to do this, she tells her about her first day of preschool.  Daisy was 3 1/2 and when her mom turned to leave that day, Daisy panicked and grabbed her legs and started crying.  Daisy’s mom ended up sitting in the hall outside the classroom and the teacher agreed to leave the door open so Daisy could see her there.  Daisy’s mom sat there the whole time she was in class and she did that for four days until Daisy had stopped checking for her.

Sweet Expectations by Mary Ellen Taylor

Sweet Expectations by Mary Ellen Taylor

I am giving away a little bit of the story but in this book Daisy finds out that she is pregnant.  As in the previous book, there are spirits urging Daisy to bring answers to the present.  In this book, the woman is Jenna.   Jenna worked in the bakery in the 1940s.  My favorite part of the book was Daisy’s search to find answers as to what happened to Jenna and the people she meets in the process.  Daisy finds out that some people refer to her sister as The Seeker.  Daisy would not be able to solve this mystery without her sister Margaret’s help and Margaret’s connections.

Reading this gave me a greater appreciation for the art of baking.  I believe this also happens for Daisy and how she sees Rachel.

Over the course of the two books I see Daisy’s family as become more bonded, more appreciative of the gifts each brings.

The family works hard to keep the bakery going.  I find myself being drawn to books like that.  Perhaps it is part of my desire to work with others toward a common goal.

I found much to like in these books.  If you read them, I hope you do too.

Blessings to you.