Do you remember the Linda Ronstadt song? “You’re no good. You’re no good. You’re no good. Baby, you’re no good. ” That is the feeling I have been fighting for a week. I had two in-person job interviews last week and one phone interview. Afterwards, I was feeling awful and craving SUGAR. I felt worthless, useless, and out-of-date. Thank goodness there are signs of spring in my neighborhood so that helped me to not be defeated.
I remind myself that they have the right to learn about my skills and experience and my personality. But they don’t have the right to make me feel small. As soon as I say that, I start to beat myself up. I blame myself for letting them get to me OR I blame myself for reading something into it that was not there. I don’t want to blame myself.
I read an article today that said, “The first thing you say to a another person can influence the entire tone of an interaction.” Two of the interviews started in an adversarial tone. The third started okay but then a man joined us and he created an adversarial tone.
So the following are two important lessons I learned in the past week that I feel are tangentially related to the above.
One came from career counselor, Sabrina Ali. she said “The real solution lies in accepting the part of yourself that your family of origin could not… The “mean” you from your younger years is perhaps now someone with impeccable boundaries. “
Three women who were significant in my life would tell me I was being mean to them when I tried to establish good boundaries. It was like having my empathy used against me. My options were I could let them walk all over me or I could feel like I was being mean to them.
The other important lesson for me was from the Catherine Ryan Hyde’s quote, “If it takes you apart, that’s not love. Love puts you back together.” Most of the time, my interactions with people feel like they are taking me apart.