Surrender Your Fear To Faith

 

Surrender Figurine by Kelly Rae Roberts.

Surrender Figurine by Kelly Rae Roberts.

The words on the figurine say, “May you surrender your fear to immense faith and trust.  And may you stay brave knowing that you are not alone, that you are supported and loved, and that your journey deeply matters.”  That is my goal.

As you look at the figurine, you may notice the pink ribbons.  The figurine is likely meant for breast cancer survivors.  I did not notice that when I ordered it.  I felt it was meant for me; a survivor of an abusive childhood.  I am hoping it will help me not feel alone and that my journey matters.

For a long time, I have been trying to figure out My Purpose, My Calling …  I want to feel that my life matters.  I recently took advantage of some free offerings of Laurel Bleadon-Maffai at Illuminating Souls.  I decided to conduct an experiment of sorts and ask the angels to help me understand my Purpose.

One day I came across two blog posts that I felt were speaking about helping me to find my Purpose.   It  felt like something I could not ignore.

One post was by Holley Gerth.  She wrote about sitting in a coffee shop and overhearing a conversation between a young man and his mentor.  The young man asked “When am I going to be ready to help someone else?”  His mentor suggest that a better question was to ask, “Have I received something?  If so, then you have something to share.”  “When is the best time to start passing it on?”  “Yesterday.”  She also says that our role is not to show off, but to show up.

The other blog post was by Martha Beck.  She said to think of the worst thing that you have survived.  Then think of the second worst thing.  “Whatever ways you’ve been to hell, you can make the experiences meaningful by leading others out of the same grim spots”

The worst thing that ever happened to me was when I was nine years old.  I had fallen asleep on the basement couch.   In the middle of the night, my seventeen year old brother found me and attacked me with a broom handle.  No one came to help.

I don’t know where writing about this will lead me.  I do have ideas about the second worst thing and third worst thing.

Telling someone what my brother did would be somewhere in the top ten worst things.  When I told my mother, her response toward me was quite hateful.  Although, she must have later said something to my brother because he hurt me in retaliation for telling.  So speaking up for myself has been very difficult.  It my life experiences, it has severe consequences.

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